Premature ejaculation (PE), which I prefer to call early ejaculation, is the most common sexual problem facing men under 40. While it’...
Premature ejaculation (PE), which I prefer to call early
ejaculation, is the most common sexual problem facing men under 40. While it’s
important to understand the physical and emotional causes of PE, it might appeal
to the male “fix-it” nature instead to suggest certain techniques known to slow
or stop PE.
I refer to these techniques, which you can teach him so that
he can learn to delay his sexual response, as a woman’s special “tool box.” By
dipping into the tool box, you can do more than just try to extend his erection
— you can further build your relationship and deepen your intimate connection.
You will both benefit from your role as Ms. Fix-It!
Here are seven of the most effective tools.
Deep Breathing
Deep breathing is a form of meditation that can sometimes
help control the arousal and tension that lead to early ejaculation. Try to see
if he can avoid shallow, short breathing, which speeds up his heartbeat and can
trigger EE. Try to get him to spend five seconds breathing in one deep, full
breath, hold it for about three seconds, and then exhale for five seconds. If
he can do this for about five minutes without breaking the rhythm, he may be
able to use it in the bedroom. Plus, focusing on each other’s breathing, and
how it rises and falls, can build an intimate connection.
The Stop-and-Start Method
This begins as a solo exercise. Your partner should begin by
masturbating alone, bringing himself close to orgasm and stopping. After
relaxing, he should continue bringing himself closer and closer to orgasm until
he can’t hold it any longer. (Doing this several times by himself without
distraction will help him learn where his point of no return is.) When he feels
that he has mastered the technique, the two of you should engage in sexual
activity that stops short of intercourse.
The Squeeze Method
This method requires one of you to squeeze the base of the
penis at the same point that the stop-and-start technique would be used, when
he is at the brink of orgasm. The idea is to reduce your partner's erection
through squeezing. Just as with the stop-and-start method, your partner should
do it on his own first, master it, and then invite you to practice the
technique with him.
Kegel Exercises
Kegels aren’t just for women. There’s no better method to
strengthen the pelvic region than to create a strong pubococcygeus muscle (PC
muscle), which can help control ejaculation. The easiest way for him to find
this muscle is to see if he can stop the flow of urine when he goes to the
bathroom. It’s the PC muscle that he uses to do that. Once he finds it, he
needs to practice feeling exactly where it is located and make sure he engages
it, rather than using his abdominals, buttocks, or thighs. (These must all stay
loose when doing Kegel exercises.) To do Kegels, he will quickly clench and
release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. He should do three sets, with
a ten-second break between sets. If he contracts his PC muscle when he’s close
to orgasm, he should be able to slow things down.
Tantric Techniques
Sex that is truly explorative is more than just traditional
physical pleasure. Try using thetantric techniques of establishing an intimate
connection, including when he’s nearing the point of no return. When he
approaches that point, he should cease stimulation (i.e., pull out), then
contract the PC muscle and lower his chin to his chest (this is important, as
it prevents energy from rising too high and making him feel ungrounded). He
should then draw in a breath, feeling the warmth of sexual energy rise upwards
in his body. Repeat this as needed, until the desire to release is no longer
urgent.
Condoms With Benzocaine
The results vary, but climax-control condoms can extend
sexual activity and delay a male’s climax as long as five minutes. These
condoms have benzocaine in the tip; it’s a mild anesthetic with a slight
numbing effect, so it can help to decrease his sexual sensation and bring his
sexual response down to a more manageable level. Don’t worry, he can still enjoy
sex! And while he doesn’t need the protective benefits of a condom during
masturbation, he can try using the condoms in a solo session to see if they
help to prolong and control his excitement.
Promescent
Just recently, a new medication for early ejaculation was
approved by the FDA. Promescent is a topical medication that is applied to the
penis ten minutes before sexual activity, and it helps a man to better manage
the sensations of sex through desensitization. However, unlike other topical
medications for early ejaculation, Promescent absorbs below the skin where the
nerve endings that control ejaculation are located. A man receives only the
dosage needed to control his ejaculation while still allowing him to enjoy the
sensations of sex, and since it is absorbed into the skin, it will not
negatively impact his partner’s sensations.
Medical Options
Even though your partner may not be depressed, the SSRI
(selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) family of antidepressants, including
drugs such as Prozac and Zoloft, may help his EE. The drugs can be taken
several hours before sexual activity, and since they inhibit arousal, they can
help make it easier for a man to control ejaculation. Before he makes a decision
regarding these drugs, which require a prescription, he will need to see either
his general practitioner or a urologist; he should also ask about and keep in
mind the side effects of SSRIs.
Source:everydayhealth.com
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